Why Didn't I Get A Miracle?

I think the most challenging part of grief and loss is knowing God has the power to do miracles. I kept praying, "If only I could touch your robe, I would be healed," repeatedly in my head. I thought it was weird this was the scripture that kept coming to mind, and then I realized it was because I was begging God for a miracle to save me and my baby. The woman bleeding touched the hem of Jesus' robe and was healed. Jesus said, "Your faith has saved you." And it's hard when you know God could intervene and change the circumstances, especially since He knows how our life will play out beforehand. He knew this would happen to us, so why didn't he step in? I had bold faith that we would see this baby to full term.

I don’t believe God chose for these events to happen to people. Sickness, loss, hurt, etc. Instead, He works in the lives of those around us to bring peace, healing, and purpose to the pain. If God intervened every time something bad happened, we would never have a testimony or a story to tell.  We endure these hardships, our faith in Him builds, and our story grows stronger. It still sucks, and we still question why, but we can have hope that God will use the situations we’re in to better ourselves and reach the lives of others.

If God intervened every time something bad happened we would never have a testimony, or a story to tell. 

I still think, why me, and why our first baby, and it's hard not to want to throw a pity party and curse God for this loss. I think of Job, how much he lost, and how strong he was in these situations. He was left with nothing BUT his faith. His story and testimony were so strong and powerful from these losses that it was included in God's word, the Holy Bible. God doesn't test us; instead, He uses situations we are already facing to build His kingdom, increase our faith, and bring us closer to Him. He brings a purpose to pain otherwise we're just suffering. I will share this story, and Satan WILL flee from us because we will use this pain and sorrow to build God's kingdom.

We have to look forward to a life without pain or hurt in Heaven. That’s the Kingdom mindset we can choose to have and believe in. Jesus is called the Prince of Peace for a reason. He reminds me of a weighted blanket that can tangibly be felt and comforted with weight and warmth.

We have to look forward to a life without pain or hurt in Heaven. That’s the Kingdom mindset we can choose to have and believe in.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

Now I know why we chose the name James for this baby—our baby of perseverance and faith in God's plan for our life and our future. Ian and I will be pregnant again by the end of the year. I have bold faith, and I will proclaim God's goodness in our lives. I will not live in fear or sorrow but will continue to hope in our good Father and the promises He gives.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11